Homicidal Maniacs

Look people, here is the deal. I’m just going to clarify for all you who don’t have kids or did a long time ago and forget how it all goes.

Kids are loud and disruptive. They literally do not know how to whisper and they have the memory of a gnat.


They are inappropriate and whiney, some of them don’t understand the difference between walking and running and they physically can not sit still for more than a few seconds at a time.

When they see a toy or anything shiny, they will touch it. In fact, they will touch anything that is not theirs, especially if it looks like it’s going to break or if a stern looking adult in the vicinity.

Most of them can’t be trained. Like I said, they have the memory of a gnat, so if you are wondering why they are annoying you, believe me, it’s not from lack of discipline, they annoy everyone.

With all that being said, please relax yourself! As parents we are doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

So when you see my kids crawling on the floor at Mass pretending they are dogs or giggling and making telescopes out of the prayer sheets, please, don’t judge. Keep your head forward and focus on the presence of the Lord. I’m already sweaty and irritated and mumbling things under my breath that I will need to go to confession for.

Also, when I bring them to your schools open house, don’t lose your mind when they make a bee-line for the Montessori blocks you have neatly polished and put on display. This goes under the touching everything category and little ones cannot help themselves. But, if you would like my tuition money next year, then it’s best not to scold us as parents for bringing them to your schools open house.

People, if my children are bugging you in any way, please know that they are bugging me even more. Say hello to me and flash me a sympathetic smile. Don’t furrow your brow and grunt at me, that’s not helping anyone.

They will hopefully on day understand how to behave, I’m praying daily for this and that they don’t grow up to be homicidal maniacs. Some days I’m seriously unsure which way it will go.

Again, please just understand that we are trying to raise these kids the best we can. We teach them, love them and pray for them.

Don’t forget, Jesus Himself said, “Let the Little Children come to me.”


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