Learning to Let Go

When I can’t control my oldest daughters social situation, it gives me anxiety.

I try and put her in activities where she is the oldest.

Swim class, dance class, school. She is a little immature for her age and I think it helps when she can be a leader and her quirky personality is a bit more accepted.

Right now she is at tennis camp and it’s been rough for me. I know, I really shouldn’t be making it about me, but she is one of the youngest. It’s just her and one other child who are 5 and you can tell.

I find when I watch her with the older girls I get really anxious and im afraid they will be mean to her or reject her,  I’m scared for her feelings to be hurt.

I know this is something I can’t be in charge of for much longer. But for now, if I sense another child looking at her weird or about to say something I think might be mean, I will intervene. Call her over like I have something to say to her.

It’s my own insecurities of being rejected. Growing up these types of social situations were painful for me. I would keep to myself and not make many friends because I didn’t think they would like me.

My daughter is different. She loves people and will talk to everyone. She is not afraid.

I should be embracing this side of her, instead I find myself praying that no other kid tells her to go away or that she is not wanted.

It would seriously kill me.

She has such a beautiful spirit and love for others. She just wants so badly to be a big kid and hang out with the other big kids. So when I see those other kids and their reactions to her, my protective momma bear side comes out.

I know I can’t control this part of her life and it will be worse if I try to. But, she is still my baby. One day she will be crushed and get her feelings seriousl hurt by others. I really don’t think I will be able to handle it.

When you become a mom you don’t have to think about these things, until all of a sudden, one day she is hanging out with the big kids, trying to get their attention.

I’m really going to have to learn to accept that this is a part of growing up, as painful as it is. Teaching her to be strong and to love herself and not let others words bother her is the only way I can prepare her and myself what is yet to come.

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